To monitoring or not to monitor, that is the question  Whether it is better to ensure safety by knowing when to         intervene because kids are involved in inappropriate or dangerous situations online or is it better to reduce resentment and                  maintain relationships. 

Why not monitor
            Kids may resent the intrusion into their privacy
            Some filtering may filter out legitimate Web content
            It takes some effort to find the right approach to monitoring/filtering

Why monitor
             Safety and protection of your child online for both you and him/her
            Opportunity to intervene as behaviors START to get out of line. 
            Better understanding of your child’s needs and understanding of the Internet

Solution
There are different kinds of monitoring but  the question really becomes; is access to all of your child’s activities online an invasion of privacy. That is a decision only you can make.  My thinking is that if you follow two basic guidelines you can monitor fairly and gradually relax your supervision as you see their maturity developing. Those guidelines are;

        Start this process earlier rather than later. It will be easier for the child to accept. Don’t wait until he/she is in high school to set limits.

        Be up front about your expectation. Explain that being online is a privilege and you will help them by keeping an eye on them while they learn their             way around.

Monitoring within based on age and maturity can provide an opportunity to guidance and skill development.  Gradual independence can give both increased access to resources as well as increased sense of confidence and pride.

To tell them you are monitoring or not
The next decision is whether they’re going to know about it. Not telling them might help you learn about what’s going on when you’re not around. But if your children find out, they may react strongly. They might feel that their privacy has been invaded and that you don’t trust them. This might, in turn, make them less willing to trust you. Lines of communication—increasingly important as children get older—could shut down.

How do you go about monitoring?

Check in with your child and ask about their online activities, just like you would ask them about their school day.  Keep the computer in a public space so they know that online activities are public.

Look at your child’s account. If he requests a Facebook account, for instance, you may choose to allow it only if you can have access and see what he/she is doing. 

Look in Internet Explorer and find the history (it may be under “Favorites”) and look at that sites they have been on.  In order to maintain the memory, open Internet Explorer icon, open “Tools”, choose “Internet Options”. Under browsing history choose “Settings”.  In the “history” part of the dialog box  choose to save the history for at least 20 days. So you can see it. 

There is a simple but low level “filter” on Internet Explorer.  If you go to that same “Internet Options” dialog box you can select the “Content” tab and the first section allows control based on ratings.  The ratings are about language, nudity, sex, and violence.  However, they are voluntary and most web pages lack ratings.  If you click “Enable” you can adjust settings for each of those areas.  Then click on the “general” tab and make sure “Supervisor can type a password to allow user to view restricted content.” is checked.  Click on “Change password” and follow instructions to create a password. Click “OK” to accept settings.  

If you decide to monitor surreptitiously, how do you deal with what you learn? These are issues that you should think through carefully.

An alternative is to openly monitor your children’s online activities. Tell them about your plans to monitor, but also run through your including your rules for internet use. Establish criteria for reducing monitoring as you child shows his ability to handle the responsibility.

Software

Let’s say, you have decided you want/need to monitor your child’s activity online or in the cell phone and you need to find software.  You can get software that will monitor web activity or cell phone activity.  The trick is deciding what you want so you aren’t spending money for something you don’t need. 

You can get software to monitor any of the following;

·        Websites visited

·        Social network activity, like MySpace or Facebook

·        Chat and instant message

·        Searches on Search engines

·        Emails sent on popular systems, including AOL, Yahoo, MSN and Hotmail

or to track total hours spent online.

There are a lot of programs out there to address this need. And there are several sites that have evaluations of these programs:

PCMag has an excellent article on Parent control software including some recommendations.                                 http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2346997,00.asp

Monitoring Software Reviews also has a good site.           http://monitoringsoftwarereviews.org/

Well Researched Reviews offers this list; http://www.wellresearchedreviews.com/computer-monitoring/?id=18&s=google&gclid=CJDBgdKf050CFQOdnAodciwTrw

To monitor cell phones, My Mobile Watchdog and Mobile Spy, are mentioned in this http://www.cnn.com/209/TECH/04/20/monitoring.kids.cellphones/index.html  CNN article on monitoring cell phones.